cross-road

I have been thinking quite a bit on my career path since I got back from Japan. I don’t wana rush things and end up regretting cos I have been so very tired from my travelling(s). If it wasn’t for the urgency of this position, I would really want to start work a week later after Japan. I told myself to try to get used to this whole corporate world and then decide after 5 months. I put it at the back of my head till I was chatting with one of my sales colleague and she was asking what my previous job scope was and what are my plans for the future. After chatting for a bit, she said “you are 31, so you might really want to see what you wana do. I understand it’s a cross road but you know once u hit 30, you really have to make a career stable fast and decide, else you might end up nowhere.” This I know and like my previous entries, I’ve always been very thankful that despite being 31, I am still rather marketable in the job market! But to hear it out loud hits me further and got me thinking what is it I really want. Should I fulfill that long time dream that I have been thinking or should I go permanent in my current job and say yes to eternal formal wear? Yes, I have been offered full time. Was talking to Jia and she said “Ling, I feel so happy for you. You go where also in demand.” Babe said “they know how to spot talent and keep potential people.” Thanks Jia, thanks babe, I feel thankful, very thankful.  

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I used to say (a lot) that I’m gona change and not be like the emotional me no more and it never really happen; I’m very much the same ol’me, open to people and embracing them more than I should. It’s not good cos I end up feeling utterly useless. I’ve learned, and this time it ain’t just words but… I felt it… I saw it, the drastic change in me. I ain’t enthusiasm nor that open to people anymore. I fear people and have grown rather withdrawn. This new job seems to be training me well for I’m eating by myself; sit at my corner desk back facing the dept, oblivious to the world… hahaha (INITIALLY, now I have lunch khakis). I’m not as affected as I used to when certain things are heard, said or done cos its once TOOOOO many times and the recent MIA incident is the last I can take. I’m not saying this change is a bad thing for it’s kinda refreshing yet scary at the same time. I’ve become very close with myself and instead of just protecting people around me, I’ve finally am here (learn) to protect… … myself.

“My friends, I’m gona sit here and wait for you to come to me. I’m tired already and I need you now. I need to see who my true friends are and who truly cares for me. I clown and make jokes at my expense  so that everyone can have a good laugh and have a good time. I value you, sometimes even more  than I vaule myself and though I’m not perfect, I do all that I can as your very good friend. Please don’t tell me about not having expectations for its bullshit to me. We have expectations towards people we are close to, whom we love and care about most. It’s the same towards your family, your other half, so don’t come telling me it aint the same just cos we are friends.” ~Friendship is a pretty full-time occupation if you really are friendly with somebody. You can’t have too many friends because then youíre just not really friends.~

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Too much of anything isn’t good and I didn’t realize I miss MUSIC this much! I used to have it everyday, mixing, editing and humming along to catchy beats, soft rocks, r&b… any kind you can think of… the latest to the oldest and I guess after 5yrs, I took MUSIC for granted. I stop touching my personal collection aka albums after just 1+yr into the job and God knows where I shoved my Creative Zen to. It’s been 2 months since I resigned and last night I wanted to finally sync some songs into my iphone and I dug out some CDs from my collection and after swinging along with Paul Van Dyk, ATB, Basement Jaxx and reuniting with my all time favorite group TLC, the rest is history! I forgot how much fun I used to have with MUSIC and how deep our bonding was. I played more music and remembered my 1st love, D and my dancing days, school, our wedding march… … I wana get my 2nd ink soon for you my dearest and bestest friend —–> Music! lol

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