knowingness

It’s just me realising that humans are very drawn to gossips and misfortunes of others. It is also at this point of time you realise who your true friends are. I am forever thankful to the people I call closest but its also thru time that got me realising who are the ones who are eventually still standing and holding on to me. Everyone wants a fun loving friend but when your fun loving friend is down or in need of you, you were nowhere to be found. I like saying how I feel and once you show me a little more concern, I will tell you my deepest feelings without guarding myself. And you think people actually care and understand? They will eventually use it against you for they know this is one thing that will get you down. That is why I realise I don’t talk as much as I used to and I’ve become rather withdrawn. I still know who I can trust but I’ve also learn that most people are just lip-servicing.

Through time, I have seen how people are drawn to fun and how once they found out fun has feelings too, they turn their back and shun. Looking hip and fun doesn’t mean one has to be cool and positive. Just smile, laugh and act like you don’t give a hoots. Afterall, everyone is just lip-servicing and wearing a mask themselves too isn’t it?? ‘Anyone can sympathise a friend’s suffering but it requires a very fine nature to sympathise a friend’s success and joy.’

Anyway, no more shift work eating into my life in another 2 weeks time. No more drama-rama energy-eating shim. For the past few weeks I have been feeling very lethargic and somehow depressing for I feel more tired and tied down then ever. I realised my shifts are eating into me and why our job is home-based. All you wana do before or after shift is to sleep. If I want to go out I will definitely have to sacrifice my rest time. It is always sleeping eating work, eating sleeping work, work sleeping eating… the vicious cycle just keeps repeating. Received a shocking news leaving me and my colleagues stranded, I wouldn’t say I am happy but I am quite relieved for it has turn out to be a pushing factor. Pushing me to step out of my comfort zone and head out to face the world again. I will soon be able to eat and sleep at proper hours, squeeze in trains and chope seats with tissue papers! LOL “cant wait”.

I was still feeling lost not knowing what my next step is gona be, but thankfully I found quite a few interesting jobs (8 as a matter of fact) to apply and I even went for 1 job interview already. Please let that job that I’m eyeing come to me soon ~crossed fingers~

I have to accept that everything happens for a reason and stop feeling so bitter about it. I keep convincing myself that working at home was the best job for me (then) so that I can plan and start a family. Some colleagues kept bugging me to leave saying my resume and experience can get me a better paying job and I know too but I was still determined to hold on. My efforts paid off cos I had SC. It’s funny how things changed and so did I, if G.Y.M wants to give me, I will still be able to receive regardless where I work. I have to stop feeling bitter and have faith. My faith is not strong enough that is why I am still not receiving. I have to trust her and keep praying.

 

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